i'm trying to understand why things happen. he seems fine on the outside you think to yourself, so why does he keep to himself. you try calling him but the phone rings and rings. this isn't like him you think. you try to look for answers but where can you find them. he was happy it seemed a week or so ago, maybe you will hear from him tomorrow. perhaps he is just tired and has chosen not to answer the phone. growing anticipation overwelms you as you try to fall asleep. finally after watching the time for what seems forever you drift off into that twilight state. your body twitches as u start to dream. perhaps it's about the day or that person that made you smile. in the distance you hear a phone ring. suddenly you are pulled away from that peaceful moment when you realize it's no longer a dream. rustling you stumble out of bed and walk toward the phone that keeps ringing and ringing. you pick up the phone and you hear this voice telling you that the person you were  looking for had died from an apparent suicide. you feel yourself struggle as you try to wake up. you feel the tears as they run down your face.please wake up you say to yourself. then you suddenly realize this isnt a dream and he is dead. you sit there for a moment wondering why he was so young. then your mind drifts to your own son. what will i tell him and how can i say it.